I had lunch today with three delightful ladies who have all been profoundly touched by end of life and caregiving, both personally and professionally. One is a Registered Nurse who just lost her dear mother. Another is the owner of 3 spectacular "boutique" assisted living facilities and the third is a caregiver extraordinaire. I had the good fortune to find them during my own mother's end of life journey.
During our lively discussion, the topic of money came up in regards to adult children trying to preserve their parents' or relative's estate at the EXPENSE of providing the best care for them. I find it disgusting and immoral. I simply don't understand how they sleep at night knowing that their loved one is not getting the care they clearly deserve because of their selfishness and greed. Can there be a greater betrayal? It's one thing if the money is not there to begin with and an entirely different thing when it is, but the child or relative isn't willing to use it for its intended purpose. Personally, I equate it with stealing.
My parents worked very hard and saved every dime. They educated me. They exposed me to music, dance, art etc. They supported me in every way. They never spent anything on themselves. By God, the money they saved is THEIRS! I don't deserve any of it. That money is strictly for their comfort and care. I am tasked with being a good steward and making sure they get the very best of care. I owe them this and much MORE... I am not here to "inherit" their money.
The values and morals they taught me have shaped my life. They are worth far more than any inheritance.
Thoughts anyone?
I could not agree more!! This current elder population endured the Great Depression and their attitude about money and spending is much different than we their baby boomer children. Many truly are "the millionaire next door" simply by not ever living beyond their means, saving for big purchases and SAVING small amounts here and there in general. They did not have the comfort or demise of the credit card mentality of immediate gratification. Unfortunately, their children do not. Oftentimes the $$$ of their frugal lifestyle looms large and children will quarrel about assisted living and long term care prices so as to conserve their money for inheritance or to avoid paying for any of their care themselves. The price is substandard care in facilities that are understaffed and impersonal for the parents of those of us who scrimped and saved so we could have opportunities, not over indulgence.......they deserve their finances to support them till the end in dignified and focused care.
ReplyDeleteHell is Hot... I pity the greedy children hoarding their inheritance at the expense of providing the best care for their parents...
ReplyDeleteWas there a reason your Mother didn't choose a VA home? Around here, they provide the finest setting of all retirement/nursing/end of life care. I don't know where you live so things could be different. I do know the cost would be considerably less to your Mother and the upside is she would have gerontologists providing care on a daily basis as well as Nurses with B.S. degrees on duty 'round the clock.
ReplyDeleteThe VA in our area is quite far from where I live and there are very few private rooms. It's also quite large and not designed to accommodate my mother's "picky eater syndrome". I understand what you're saying about the "in-house" gerontologists and physicians. That's a wonderful advantage that helped my father greatly. However, my mother has such a wonderful relationship with her private physician, I would hate to disturb that. Thank you for your thoughts.
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