Happy Anniversary!

65 years ago today my parents were married in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.  What a lovely couple they made...  It took my strong, independent minded mother a while to decide to marry my father... My dad traveled from St. Louis, Missouri all the way to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania several times to convince her...  My dear Uncle Johnny Stritmatter persuaded my mom to marry my dad...  He told her what a good guy he was...  Providence prevailed.

My dad came from a very humble background.  He worked very hard and accomplished great things.  My mother helped him and contributed greatly to his success..

My dad grew up during the Great Depression, as did my mom.  He grew up on the farm in St. James, Missouri.   They ate squirrel and the fish they caught in the rivers and ponds.   My mother grew up in the great city of Pittsburgh.  Her father always worked for Westinghouse and they had shoes from the department store, unlike my dad's family...

During the worst of the Depression, my mother's family went without a phone and a car for a while.  I doubt my father's family ever had a phone or a car to begin with...   My dad had to ride a horse to the 8th grade.  He had to wait a year to get the horse...

My mother lost her brother in a terrible sledding accident in 1928.  This tragedy changed everything in her and her family's life.  My mom and her brothers and sisters were sent to live with their grandparents, aunts and uncles while her parents camped in Canada and tried to recover from their son's tragic death.

My Mother's father took what's known today as a LOA....  This was way before they had anything like "grief counseling"..  When my grandfather returned to work, he got his job back, but it was far beneath his previous status and capabilities.    My grandmother took charge and made sure the family was taken care of.   Agnes Regina Flaherty was brilliant and a genius indeed...  The family prevailed..  Agnes is my middle name.

Wasn't my mom a beautiful bride?

Happy New Year!

My mother's checkered past!

Ho, Ho, Ho, if only you could know some of the things my mom got away with back in the day!!!

How could such a sweet, innocent, little lady be so cunning, clever and capable when it came to pulling off capers without consequence?  Except for one time...

During my mom's early teens she was quite the forger..  She routinely forged doctor's excuses so her baby brothers could get out of school early on Friday afternoon...  She also forged her parent's signatures when said brothers brought home dismal report cards that required parental acknowledgment.

The real kicker is the "Library Story"..  It's hard to believe today but back in the 30's when my mother attended Catholic grade school, students had to have a "Pass" to visit the local public library..  You have to remember it was a different time.  Catholics, Jews and African Americans were subjected to ridiculous and outrageous prejudice.  Even in a racially diverse city like Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, these practices prevailed.

By this time, my mother had become "teacher's pet" or more accurately, the "nun's pet."  She was selected to go to the library and pick up a stack of passes and deliver them to the nun to authorize with her signature and distribute to deserving students.   Well the temptation was far too great....  She stashed a few for herself and her best girlfriend, Nancy Flaherty, so they could go whenever they wanted...   Yep, she'd graduated from piddly parental forgery and progressed to all out Nun Forgery!  She got away with it until she and Nancy got the giggles and made a little too much noise in the library...  The librarian reported my mom to the nun...  Well more than just the "books" hit the fan...  My mother was called into the Nun's office and told she would be placed under arrest for her crimes...  The nun achieved her ultimate objective and scared the BeJesus out of my mom and she never did it again, to my knowledge....

In spite of this "dark"side during her youth, my mom managed to cross over to the light.  She was an outstanding student and graduated fifth in her high school class of several hundred.  She became an excellent Registered Nurse under the tutelage and torture of the Sisters of Mercy.  She was one of only a handful of classmates selected to represent Mercy at the University of Pittsburgh for several specialized rotations.

At the beginning of WWII, there was a great shortage of nurses in the armed forces.  Eleanor Roosevelt threatened to draft them if they did not volunteer.  At this point my grandfather insisted that my mother sign up for the U.S. Navy, as it would  likely be the safest and best option.  She would be less likely to face dangerous surroundings and circumstances. She was assigned to duty at St. Alban's Hospital on Long Island, New York.  She cared for wards and wards of paraplegic Marines for about 18 months.   She worked 12 hour shifts for 28 days straight, with two days off..  Can you imagine?  She still loathes our Japanese cars...

After the war, my mom returned to the University of Pittsburgh and earned her Bachelor of Science Degree in Nursing.  Not such a big deal today, but back then it was pretty huge.  Very few women completed a college education.  She was able to manage the expense by working and going to school along with the benefit of the G.I. Bill.   Her 1948 framed diploma hangs in her room to this day.   Her enduring identity will forever be as a Nurse....

She came a long way from the days of forging doctor's excuses to becoming a brilliant nurse who served her country.  Go Navy!

Never underestimate the "difficult" child!

My mother was the sixth of eight children.  The first two were twins, Agnes and James.  Sadly, Agnes did not survive.  Her next brothers and sisters came quickly,  Mary, Paul and Mildred.    My mother, Margaret, arrived on the planet in 1922.   Shortly after my mother was born, her baby brothers, Edward and Jack, came along.  My mom was her younger brothers' favorite playmate and partner in crime..

This stained glass window is from St. Colman's Catholic Church in Turtle Creek, Pennsylvania.  It is my mother's childhood church in her hometown of Turtle Creek, Pennsylvania.  It's likely that my grandparents, aunts and uncles saw this window each and every Sunday... and then some...

While my mother's other brothers and sisters were in school, my mom and her two younger brothers found their way into lots of mischief around the house...

One of my mom's favorite stories is when one of her younger brothers got the wild idea to take my mom's little wooden sewing box up to the attic and fill it with hot coals....  Eddie was curious to see if he could catch the house on fire...  Meanwhile, my dear grandmother, Agnes Regina, was hanging clothes out in the backyard.   Fortunately, my mother, at the age of 5, had the good sense to lead her baby brothers to safety, outside and up the hill to watch the fire...

My mom's big brother, James, A.K.A. Buddy, came home from high school for lunch and noticed smoke coming from the attic.   He alerted my grandmother about the emergency.  Fortunately, they were able to put out the fire.  It took a while to figure out that my mom had taken the two younger boys up on the hill to watch the fire...  They were unharmed...  I'm sure my grandmother and uncle worried about their safety...  Okay...  It was not the best idea, but my mom saved the day leading her baby brothers to safety....

My mother has never forgotten that her oldest brother tried to blame her for this shenannigan, even though it was her younger brother's idea...    Buddy argued that Margaret was the oldest and should have known better....After all, she was FIVE...   When my mother's father came home from work that night, they held court.  My Grandpap questioned everyone involved.  In his very calm and quiet manner he ruled that my mother was not at fault.  She was only five years old and could not be held responsible except for her good sense to get Ed and Jack and herself out of the house and out of harms way...

Unfortunately, I was never able to meet my grandfather.  He died five months after I was born.  This is just one of many stories my mom enjoys telling me.  I treasure and cherish these stories...  Here is St. Colman's Church back in the day as my mom remembers it...

The Rules of Margaret!

And you thought the Ten Commandments were enough?  What?  No way... Margaret has her own Rules in addition to those.   In some cases, Margaret's Rules Rule!

Margaret's Rules

BLAME must be assigned.  This is true in all matters where a less than optimal result or a downright failure has occurred.  This includes illness, bad luck, relationships, and religion. 

Credit must be taken.  Anything that turns out good must be accounted for as a direct result of someone's wisdom or effort, usually MM.  Fate and good luck do not play a role in Margaret's world. 

Never get married and Never have kids.  St. Charles Brekke received special dispensation from this rule. 

Only foolish women "Shack Up".   All men are only after ONE thing.  Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?  This is not meant to contradict or confuse the directive of rule #3.

Get your education before you ever think of getting Married.  It's the only thing that no one can ever take away from you!

Always have a way to make your own living.

Never marry a German...

The Irish Culture is genetically superior.

Neither a borrower or a lender be.

He who travels alone travels fastest.

Girlfriends are useless.  All they want are your clothes and your boyfriend!

A fool and his money are soon parted.

Never make left turns.

Only invest in FDIC insured accounts..

Avoid risk at all costs.

Have many friends, trust few, and learn to paddle your own canoe.

That about sums it up.

FYI, if you break a rule, there's Hell to pay!

Smart Phone Ring Tones Alert Us and Make us Laugh!

My darling math major husband loves to take advantage of every smart phone opportunity.  He loves numbers and gadgets..   Most recently, he wisely advised me to assign a separate ring tone for my mother, my sister and the ASS-isted Living Facility where my mother resides.

He and I already have ring tones for each other.   When he calls me or I call him, we hear our favorite Gershwin tune, "Our Love is Here To Stay".   Check out Nat King Cole singing this!   He's fabulous...  


I discovered and learned to play the Gershwin Love Songs between my Freshman and Sophomore years in college.  It's been our song ever since...

My mother's ring tone is another genre entirely.  It is not a love song.  It's a TV theme song.   It's so loud you could hear it in hell...

This is practical and important in case of an emergency!  If you have a parent or loved one enduring the end of life and frequent crisis, you should consider assigning them a noticeable, deafening, scary, ring tone...  I can hear my mother's ring tone just about anywhere in our home...  It wakens me from a sound sleep into an upright standing position.  You already know from previous posts that I've showered and have my clothes out and ready to dress for the middle of the night Emergency Fall Call or Pneumonia..
If you don't recognize this music, you're too young to be reading this!  Okay wait for it.... 

What better ring tone for Margaret than the theme from Dragnet?   It sounds terribly dangerous, as many of my mother's calls can be.  It gets your attention right away and triggers that thing in your brain that says, Just the facts Mamn...   Fall Call, Pneumonia, Bronchitis?   The theme from Dragnet ring tone only costs $1.29...  Best money I ever spent.

We assigned a ring tone for my sister and her husband who seldom call and have little involvement in my mother's end of life journey.  That's another story...  It's not their fault.  They have a tranquil, beautiful movie theme as their ring tone...  It's the overture from Camelot...

  Richard Burton and Julie Andrews were wonderful!  This ring tone costs $1.29...  Bargain!

Finally, we assigned a really fun ring tone to my mother's ASS-isted Living Facility, which you know I love and appreciate dearly...  They take wonderful care of my mother and are beyond outstanding in our region and probably the nation in regards to their unprecedented standards and caregiver to patient ratio.  What better way to describe the Heaven House, my mother's residence, at the Shady Rest Hotel. 

If you don't remember this TV Show, you're too young to be reading this...  This ring tone was absolutely free!



This is all I have for the Smog on the Blog Today!  Just trying to have some fun with the End of Life thing, the Ring Tones, free Internet photos, and the magic of YouTube...   If you're dealing with this end of life stuff, assign some ring tones and rest easy until DRAGNET comes on!

Never underestimate the power of the dining table!

If you are reading this you already know how OCD I am...  Yes, of course....  I've already set my table for Christmas...   I just can't help myself....  There are
three generations represented at this table...  The salad plates and the crystal water glasses belonged to my grandmother, Agnes Regina Flaherty!    The silver and china belonged to Charlie's mom, dear Joanne Wade Brekke.    The modern water goblets were wedding gifts to Charlie and me...

The silver is Towle Old Master.  The China is Lennox Creton, (discontinued if you're wondering)...  My mother-in-law had exquisite taste.  I so wish she was still with us...  We lost her way too early...

The salad plates are ancient Noritake, pre-occupation.  The modern crystal is from 1984, Lennox Intrigue.   The gold-leaf edged water goblets are who knows what!  Whatever, they were my grandmother's, Agnes Regina, and I'm thrilled to have them.

Most of the food for our Christmas Feast will come from my mother's recipes, Margaret Laverne Flaherty.  I've already prepared her sour cream potatoes and her special frozen cranberry salad...  The Apricot Delight is still to come....  There's beef tenderloin, shrimp scampi, honey baked ham and tons of sides and desserts...   I just hope we get through the next 12 days without Fall Calls, ERs or ICUs...

I so hope my mom will remember some of her recipes and enjoy the day with us...  She always loved to decorate and set the table with her finest china and crystal.  I like to think that I inherited that enjoyment from her...  

I have to set the table a couple of weeks ahead.  I think my OCD might be from my dad....  No matter.  I'm grateful for it all..  He was always the top salesman for McGraw-Hill Book Company for 38 years...  And before that, he worked for his Uncle Waldo P. Johnson, the founder of Webster Publishing Company.  My dad has a pretty darn good and successful record..   Because of his hard work, my college was paid for and I had a really nice car when I left home for my first job... 

 I MISS MY DAD!

  Go on now and set your Christmas table...  Get the food ready and in the freezer..  If you ever knew my dad you'd know that Johnson was no slacker and you'd better get your butt in holiday gear!  

Just How Bad Was Your Day?

If you haven't spent any time today in the ER or the ICU with your parent or loved one, you've had a reasonably good day.  Forget that cranky boss, difficult child, IRS Audit, miserable spouse or speeding ticket....  The ER and the ICU are great benchmarks for perspective..

A day free of ventilators, Sacrament of the Sick, and scouring the landscape for a bed in a decent skilled nursing facility when you parent or loved one gets kicked out of the hospital after a fracture or pneumonia is truly a delight...  Enjoy and don't bitch about the small stuff.  My dad used to say, "Don't sweat the small stuff."   He was so right...

Try to figure these things out before you need them..  Find the best SNIFF,  slang for Skilled Nursing Facility..  Do you wonder why this slang exists?  Just visit a few and use your nose.  Think horse stable...  This is where they park your parent after the hospital and Medicare kicks them out after a fracture or pneumonia, too soon usually.  Try to find one with a private room..

Be thinking about the next step... Will they need an ASS-isted Living Facility?    Find the friendliest ratio of caregiver to patient...  One caregiver to five patients is optimal...  Good luck with this....  Most are 1:12...  Pathetic... Most facilities won't want to talk about this or tell you anything...  My advice is to bring your checkbook, or your parents' and start looking for a "boutique assisted living" facility..  It will cost you but it's worth its weight in gold.  

The next step is long term care.  Try to find an ASS-isted Living facility that will transition your parent to the next step..  Otherwise, this means another move and more tumult, misery and adjustment for your parent...  Moving them at this stage is pure Hell.  Do all you can to prevent this and find a place that will keep them for the duration.  Get Hospice.  Don't freak out about this.  It's a wonderful benefit.

If you're not at this point yet, enjoy all you have and go to the beach with the person you love... Key West is really nice this time of year!  We're going with some dear friends next month,  God willing, and only if my mom stays out of the hospital and out of the ICU...

Another important tip, when you plan a trip when your parent is in a precarious health situation, always buy the travel insurance in case you have to cancel and/or return home early..  We've had to take advantage of this on a few occasions.  It has saved us some serious money...  It's worth the investment.

Enjoy your ICU/ER Free Day..  As long as no one you love is on a ventilator, it's a really good day.... Don't you love those free beach pictures available on the Internet?  Wish I was there...  We're so ready to get out of this freezer and go to Key West

Hasta La Vista! and Feliz Navidad!

Memory VS. Food

 

 IF you are dealing with an end of life parent or loved one, I so hope their memory is perfect.  If not, keep reading.....

My dear mother's memory is failing.  The last twenty years are pretty
much gone...  I'm trying to trigger and re-engage her memory of all the great things she made for Christmas and special occasions.  She was a great baker and cook..  She prepared many memorable meals.

Fortunately, she contributed many of her recipes to a cookbook that our neighborhood published back in 1999.   I'm planning a big Christmas Dinner with many of her recipes.  I just hope she will recognize some of them.  My greatest hope is that she will still be with us on that special day.

Thank goodness I preserved her recipes in our neighborhood cookbook.

These recipes are from the 60's and 70's...  The ingredients include tasty canned pineapple, pumpkin, cranberry, apricots, along with sour cream, buttermilk, Jello, Cool Whip, and Knox Gelatin.  It was all delicious and I'm recreating the whole thing.  I so hope she remembers some of it....  Fruitcake too!

General Foods wasn't such a bad thing back in those days.    They didn't start any wars or kill people..... They just used lots of preservatives and food dye....

My mother lived and thrived through the Jello Years and the Ready Whip Stuff....  She was a Cool Whip Convert...  Get over yourself... I think she might have even served Cheese Whiz at a party or two...with celery..."the Fresh Vegetable".   The closest thing we had to anything "organic" was grass seed from the local Jupiter Store.

How bad could processed foods really be?  My mom's 91 and she loves french fries, ice cream and potato chips.   She eats them all the time.  She's outliving Hospice...  She'll probably get kicked out of Hospice for living too long...  She's been on it for almost three years.

The difference is my mother observes "Portion Control" and "Moderation".  Just like Julia Child...  Enjoy it all, but don't be a pig!  Congestive heart failure, COPD, and atrial fib also contribute to her robust metabolism.

Milestones Lost and Forgotten....

This is a sad post...  Please delete and forget this...  I spent the last 90 minutes on the phone with my mom while the next winter storm is approaching...  We got jolted with snowy weather earlier today..   We are due for another blast later tonight.

No, she's not dead or in the ICU.    She's just forgotten almost everything about my childhood, adolescence and early adulthood...   She doesn't remember things that I accomplished...  She doesn't remember being proud of me, even though all that I tried to do was make her proud of me.  She has no recollection of being included in every party and gathering after she and my father moved here in 1992.

It just never seemed to be enough...  Especially now when she can't remember anything since the 70's.

I know it's not her fault....  She really can't remember the last 35 years.....  Some things that she's forgotten are a blessing... Other things that she has forgotten are just sad...  Why does she remember really bad things from way the Hell back?

I guess I'll never know...  If I could be a mind engineer, I'd re-wire 91 year-old brains to remember all the good and dump the bad...  Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer...

Hope you're not dealing with this....  But if you are, please know you are not alone...  It's just hard...

Bon Soir...

The Sahara Desert Recreated! 87 Degrees on a Cool Day..

My mother chills easily.  I've moved her 17 times in the last 7 years...  Most recently she moved to a really warm private room/ private bath suite with baseboard heating in addition to a conventional HVAC system. She lives in a fabulous boutique assisted living facility..

This person in the photo is not my mother but I think my mother would be way more comfortable in the Sahara Desert... like the guy on the camel...

Today, her room was 87 degrees...  We spent some time in her room repairing her electric tooth brush and replenishing her special dental floss and toothpaste..  She's 91 and still has all of her teeth.   Dental issues are monumental to her...  She's extremely proud of having all of her teeth..  Her dentist brags about her...

The range of temperatures in the Sahara Desert is 85 degrees to 122 degrees.  The highest recorded temperature is 136 in Aziziyah, Libya.  I doubt my mother would ever want to visit there...  Too many ZZZZssss..  87 is the perfect temperature....

I think she'll do just fine at the Heaven House.  87 Degrees with her baseboard heating is fabulous!  We can leave the Sahara and Camels behind...

Happy Advent and Let's Sue God!

Hope everyone who is bored enough to read this had a nice Thanksgiving and is preparing for a

Joyful Christmas!

My mother, on the other hand, is really PO'd that she's still around... She's 91 and has outlived all of her siblings and friends... These days, her life is a real debbie downer...  She can't hear..  She can't see well enough to read the New York Times, which she used to devour on a daily basis.... along with the Daily Disappointment, my lingo for the Daily Oklahoman.  Her glass is neither half full or half empty...  Her glass is shattered on the floor!

The good news is that my mom still enjoys a delicious and satisfying meal....  Her favorites include  Potato Chips, French Fries, Bacon, Steak, Chocolate and Ice Cream...  Hope I didn't leave anything out...

More imporantly, She especially enjoys griping...  This is a delightful endeavor for her... She even admits to it!  I have the video to prove it...

When you're on Hospice there are NO FORBIDDEN FOODS!  May we all live to enjoy such splendor, satisfaction, and gluttony...  Let's just hope that the oxygen mask doesn't get in the way of the enjoyment of glorious fried, greasy cholesterol-sugar, laden foods..

Advent is the season to Prepare for the Coming of the Lord...  After much thought and consternation, My Mother has decided NOT to sue God or the LORD, for living too long with multiple ailments and without her siblings... At least for this year.... She's still really mad about the whole thing.  All that being said, she's decided, in her infinite wisdom, after assessing God's assets, he doesn't have enough money to pay her off...  What good what it do her?  She'd spend way too much in attorney fees....  

There had better be plenty of ice cream  and potato chips in Heaven for my mother. If Not, there will be Hell to pay for GOD!  There'd  better be a really good beauty shop up there too!  She'll need a new do for her first Heavenly Party with family and friends...  

 Feliz Navidad...

Thanksgiving Parade of Margaret!

Today was my 51st Thanksgiving with my mom and her 91st Thanksgiving on the planet Earth...  I can only think of a couple of Thanksgivings that I wasn't able to spend with my mom.  I was just out of college and too poor to fly home.  I was too much of a spoiled brat to take the bus... Fortunately, some kind cousins took me in.

Today my mom ate like a lumberjack/farm hand.    Ham, Turkey, Green Beans and a gynormous piece of Chocolate Mousse Cheesecake and a normal person piece of Turtle Cheesecake. She insisted that she couldn't possibly eat all of this food....  Surprise!  She cleaned her plate!

 Don't let her tiny frame fool you...  She can put it away... You can't even begin to imagine...  May we all be blessed with COPD, and End Stage Heart Failure. 

 Her doctor tells me that her metabolism is like a humming bird...  She requires enormous quantities of calories.  She's like a patient in the ICU on the ventilator, only my mom can breath on her own.  She's conscious and she gets her hair colored and styled on a weekly basis...

She's Fabulous Indeed!  Bring on the french fries, bacon, ice cream, steak, ham, eggs, turkey, chocolate, potato chips, tortilla chips...  Makes me want to get really old and sick...  Hell, I eat like a refugee from Ethiopia...  I'd look like Mama Cass if I ate like my mother.   I live off of Egg Beaters and celery.... Sad indeed!

That being said, I do color my hair and get my toes done...

Happy Thanksgiving! 

The Joy Luck Guilt Club!

Death and Taxes are the two most talked about certainties in this world.  The dirty secret that comes in third is Guilt!    Nobody likes to talk about this one...

Eventually death comes and taxes are paid.   There is finality and closure.  Don't you hate that word, closure?  Such psychobabble, crap....  Funeral homes and casket maker people make money off of this @#$%.  Probate attorneys live for this stuff..

Wouldn't you prefer to have your dog at the helm when this day comes?  Dog is man's best friend..  My eldest male, Zorka, the Borzoi Wonderdog, has the remote control at the ready...  He's ready to defend me at all costs. Even with an injured cervical spine, Zorka has my back...  He's on it....  He's inside patroling the house, via the sofa, 24/7.    His brothers and sisters are jealous but it's understood that he is "on guard".  Zorka's a little zorked out on tramadol, but my on call soldier nonetheless.

 Guilt!  That's another matter entirely....  It's the gift that keeps on giving....  I'm surprised Hallmark doesn't have a separate aisle for Guilt cards.  Just think of the money they'd make...  We'd all shop for the perfect "guilt card".

 Hallmark should make special Guilt Calendars.  Just think of all those birthdays we've missed...

Go on... You'd buy it...  You know you would!

Guilt comes in many forms.  It can be inflicted by an elderly parent to an adult child, or from a younger parent for that matter....  I don't mean to subjugate Guilt Infliction strictly from a parent...  Guilt is the wild card, crazy eight!  It can be inflicted by the old, the young, friends, and extended family.

Guilt is a free for all...  Anyone can inflict it.  Some people become experts at inflicting it... The expert at inflicting guilt is likely a master manipulator.   These people are Uber Guilters...  They can make you feel guilty just with the glance of an eye or a tilt of the head!  They can make you feel guilty even when you have nothing to feel guilty about...   When you're doing the best you can, just how much guilt do you really need to take?

This is where dogs come in...  Dog spelled backwards is GOD...  They NEVER judge you...  They love you no matter what.  They will never blame you for anything...  They don't care that you didn't go to law school.  They don't have car wrecks..  They never have to go to the Betty Ford Clinic.  They don't require a $200,000 college education.  You will never have to pay for a crazy Bridezilla wedding that will end in an expensive divorce.  You'll pay for this too!  Dogs typically don't generate FALL CALLS.  Your dog will likely die before you so you won't have to be disappointed when they don't take care of you when you're old and sick with diapers.    It's all good..

Enjoy your "Gluten-free, Guilt-free" pleasure....  

Doggies

The Power of Family, Faith, and a Really Great Steak!

There's nothing quite like the forces of family, faith, and a really great steak to jolt my mother into the stratosphere!  Not quite Heaven, just a delicious taste!

Last evening we had dinner with our dear friends Abbot Lawrence Stasyszen and Br. Damian Whalen from St. Gregory's Abbey and University.  I have had the privilege to serve on their University board and volunteer for numerous fundraising events.  My husband and I have become great friends with them as has my mother.

Oh and by the way, my husband, Charlie was able to join us...  Normally he's the star of the show with my mother,  except when the Abbot and Br. Damian can join us.  Last night he was relegated to the role of a common guest.    Good thing he has a great sense of humor and fun!

My mother is a devout Catholic and she is truly in her glory amongst these dear friends.  She devoted much of her life working for the church; raising money, and practicing her faith.  She has also lived her faith in every way.  At 91, she continues to faithfully contribute to our local parish, Christ The King in Oklahoma City.

She loves to tell stories about her begging adventures for St. Agnes Cathedral in Springfield, Missouri.  As a three year old, I would accompany her, along with an old maid spinster named Alice Boon to
shake down local businesses and rich doctor's wives volunteering at the local Catholic hospital.  When Alice wasn't doing the shake down, she was usually babysitting me while my mom managed my dad's business...  I think Alice lived for the shake down!  

She and my mom were like Mike Wallace in the early days of 60 Minutes...  They perfected the surprise attack.  It proved effective! They raised a lot of money...

My mom's favorite story is about storming through the doors of the then, very small local business, O'Reilly Automotive. Yes, the same O'Reilly Automotive that you see on virtually every street corner.  This vast empire started in Sleepy, Springfield, Missouri!  My mother had spot on, pre-Google, instincts about how to follow the money.

My mom and the old spinster, Alice Boon, would confront cranky Old Man O'Reilly and ask for money for the church.  He would order my mom, the old lady, and the little kid (me) out...   Immediately, doors would open and his sons would emerge apologizing for their father and offering whatever Father Needed!  

Does this woman look like she's on death's door?  She very well could be this evening or in the morning, afternoon or the next day...  Her situation can change on a dime, but last night, Margaret had a ball!   Not a FALL!!!

We've packed a lot of good times in and when God decides to take her, I won't have any regrets.  But, make no mistake, I'll be a puddle on the floor and somebody will have to mop me up when she goes to Heaven.  But I can't waste precious time worrying about it.  None of us knows the day or the hour.

Carpe Diem with a Really Great Steak!   

The Importance of the "Re-Direct"

When your parent or loved one becomes fixated on an extremely negative aspect of their life that cannot be changed, or will not be forgotten once the situation is rectified, but the memory persists, the Re-Direct becomes extremely important and critical to your sanity...  This is longer than most of my posts.  Go and get a beer or a glass of wine if you think this might help you.

My mother had to share a bathroom with a fellow resident.  It was all understood from the beginning when she moved into this fabulous boutique facility.   The problem was that the first resident didn't go to the bathroom very often...  Then she died...  The room was vacant for a time...  About 8 months or so...  Enough time passed that my mom thought that the shared bathroom was her Private Bathroom...   

Major blow up occurred when the new resident showed up and used the "shared bathroom"...    Again, again and again......   According to my mother, she was spending way too much time in there and my mother started Guarding the Bathroom....  TMI...

For months, this was all I heard about, multiple times a day.....  In any case, months later after my mother's dear friend and housemate, not the bathroom hog, went to Heaven, my mother had an opportunity to move to her room in the same facility.  It had a PRIVATE BATHROOM....   It was the 17th time that I've moved my mother in six years.     I was not at all thrilled with this situation but I was so weary of hearing about the months of negative bathroom tales that I relented...

We got her moved and settled into a lovely new room with a PRIVATE BATHROOM just down the hall.  Think that's easy?  Just wait and see....  Had to move all the clothes, rehang the pictures and get the flat screen just right....  Had to get all the photos adjusted just right on her dresser.    

Think you're done?  No way...  She's got the perfect room.  The perfect view.  The private bathroom and plenty of closet space for her glamour girl wardrobe...   She now thinks the room is too small...  I think she wants to move again...  Whatever...

Back to the long awaited point of this post...  Find your Re-Direct phrases...  Check in with their Navy days or stories about their childhood and their siblings.  Ask about what their mother fixed for dinner and how wonderful it was..  This can help re-direct from their negative comments.  

 I had a recent experience that I was dreading...  I promised to take my mom out for brunch on a Sunday.  Most often, my husband can join us.  This particular day he was working and couldn't get away..    I prayed that I would have patience to listen to all the negative stuff and find a way to turn it around.  Once in the restaurant, as I feared, she started in about the lady hogging her bathroom and all the rest of the negative stuff...

There was a wonderful pianist playing...  I asked her if she had a favorite song...  At first she spouted out, "NO"....  A few minutes later, she said "You Are My Sunshine" is my favorite... " I raced up to the pianist with a generous tip and asked him to play it...

Simply Miraculous!!!  She took my hand and we both started singing it together...  This seemingly small gesture transformed our day and her experience.  It is a happy memory that I will cherish forever!

Go find your Re-Direct.

The Holiday Snowjob

Welcome to the much anticipated Holiday Season!  It's supposed to be so festive, joyful, bright and sunshiny.  Everybody's healthy, alive, and gets along great!  What a crock... Bah Humbug...

The joy and splendor of the holidays really belongs to WalMart, Target, and Best Buy. $$$ 

The rest of us are led to believe that everyone, but us, is having fun during this glorious time....  Yeah right... Don't buy into it...

When you have a loved one or parent who is experiencing the "end of life", it can be anything but that...  You might be spending Thanksgiving in the ER, ICU or Hospice.  Forget the turkey and dressing.  It's all you can do take a shower, get dressed and get your ass over to the hospital.   Just remember that the people working there are missing out too, just in a less profound and painful way.

I didn't decorate my house for the holidays for five years after my dad died..  Then finally one day, during our neighborhood association meeting, I volunteered to host a portion of the neighborhood holiday progressive dinner...  Well that was the kick in the ass that I needed.  We bought a new tree.  I pulled out all the decorations and we started celebrating the holidays again.  I guess it takes what it takes.

No we don't have a "Kodak" family...  It's never going to be that fabulous Burl Ives sings "Rudolph".    But it is a special time of year and hopefully some, if not most of us, have some happy memories to reclaim and most of all, something or someone to be Thankful For

Cherish your memories, Embrace what you still have and Celebrate the good!

Stay the Hell out of WalMart, Target and Best Buy.  And stop with the Christmas Music Already.... Obnoxious indeed!

Go Baste your Butterball and Get On With It!

They Get Nicer When You're on a Trip...

It's been my experience that my mother becomes way nicer when I'm out of town.  When I'm in town, she complains a lot more and she is way more difficult and negative, because she can be..   When I'm out of town, she gets really nice and full of charm and vigor....  There are far fewer complaints.

She has a huge fear of my plane crashing...  Like Patsy Cline.. This fear seems to make her really nice.   Just so you know, we never go more than one connecting flight away.  We always buy the Travel Guard Insurance in case we have to come back in an urgent manner.   We very seldom leave the country, except for Canada and Mexico.  Just in case we really die in a plane crash, she'll be Really Really Rich...

We returned home tonight from a trip to California.  I spoke with my mother before our departure in CA this morning, and again in Denver on the transfer, and when the wheels touched down in OKC, and then again for about an hour once we got home.  Thanks goodness for cheap cell phone time.

We had a really nice visit when I called her once I got home.  It lasted about an hour.  She talked about her family, brothers, sisters, father and mother.  She doesn't recall most of my life, but thank goodness, she can revisit her own childhood, stories etc.   91 is a tough deal...  I know she'd rather not be here...  She's going straight shot to Heaven when her time comes..  I hope I don't live that long....but there's no telling what God has planned!

Good Evening Friends.

It's All About the Hair!

HAIR is way more than a Broadway Musical or the "Age of Aquarius"!

In a woman's life, HAIR can defy old age, sickness, bad marriages, unhappiness, and unsuccessful children...  Hair is the great equalizer.  It's the ultimate leverage for a woman.  In the modern age in which we live, Hair can be colored, styled, straightened, permed, cut, grown out and made into beautiful wigs for those who have none...

I consider my mother a pioneer in the world of modern hair.  In 91 years, never ONCE has she let her hair go gray....  It all fell out during chemo in 1990, so that doesn't count..   Even in the hospital, if it was turning a little gray, she wore her stylish nighttime bonnet until the beauty shop lady could get there...  This is serious devotion to the power of HAIR! 

My mother realized this truth long before Nora Ephron.

“There's a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don't look the way they used to, and it's not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It's because of hair dye. In the 1950's only 7 percent of American women dyed their hair; today there are parts of Manhattan and Los Angeles where there are no gray-haired women at all.” 

― Nora Ephron

And if Nora were still alive she'd love my mother.    She would especially love and appreciate my mother's steadfast commitment to her hair, through sickness and in health, in poverty and prosperity, in war and peace, till death do they part!   I'm telling you if my mother gets to Heaven without her hair, she WILL SUE GOD!  She's already committed to doing so if he sends her to Hell, "wrongful damnation."   She's probably got the papers filled out and filed away somewhere.  

Notice the height of her do.  A woman of her stature and accomplishment must have a little height on the top.  The flat head look is not at all her style...  

I know I disappointed my mother because I didn't go to law school.  I'm so over that.  If I were some big shot attorney, who would take care of my mother and oversee her "hair care"?  However, when she gets after me about my hair, my cortisol levels go through the roof...  Lately, I've been off the hook.  She's been liking my hair...  I'm enjoying it while it lasts...  Carpe Diem!

Wheelchair Tips and Etiquette

         Here's my mother in her twenties...  Isn't she fabulous?  

                                   Enjoy the good times!


Things change a lot when your parent or loved one can no longer walk independently.  At first, they might be dealing with a cane.  No big deal.  Slowly or suddenly, they move into the world of walkers. Walkers are not all created equal...  Some are really dangerous...  Ask your parent's physical therapist or physician about the best choice for your loved one..

Unfortunately, the next step is the Wheelchair.  

If you're loved one is on Medicare or qualifies for Hospice, he or she probably qualifies for a free wheelchair.  He or she will get a top rate wheelchair.  The doctor will need to write the order.

Beyond this point, you're on your own....  If you have a bad back, you'd better invest in a "transport chair".  This is especially true if you plan to take your parent or loved one out to a restaurant or shopping.  The transport chair weighs 16-18 lbs.  A standard wheelchair weighs about 40 lbs... This is the difference between back surgery and a NORMAL LIFE!

You'll need a vehicle that can accommodate the wheelchair.  It's also a really good idea to find a car that your parent or loved one can transfer into easily.  PIck-Up Trucks or Full Size SUV's are mountain climbing  FALL CALLs waiting to happen...  Find a car that's about the same height as the wheelchair seat.

The term Transfer will become very important in your life.  It's an integral part of the ASS-isted Living Lexicon.  Your parent must be able to transfer their ass to the bed, toilet, chair, etc. in order to qualify for Ass-isted Living...    Sorry for the transgression.  This is another post,,,' Another time..

Back to wheelchairs...  Good luck to you if you have many doctors appointments for your parent.  I take my mom to the dentist four times a year and to the eye doctor at least twice a year.   Neither office has automatic doors.  I have to get my mom out of the car, into the transport chair, and to the door.  Then I have to open the door with my right arm and try to wheel her in with my left arm...  Meanwhile, I can see people in the waiting room just staring at us and not bothering to open the door or help...  Really?  Don't get me started...

Please...  If you see somebody struggling to push an occupied wheelchair into a doctor's office, restaurant, bar, brothel or wherever, get off your fat ass and help...  Do a good deed and open the door!

Why is it that grocery stores that are full of processed, carbo coma, fried foods that are so bad for us,  have automatic doors and doctor's offices do not?   Hmmmmm...


Bon Nuit!