Thanksgiving Parade of Margaret!

Today was my 51st Thanksgiving with my mom and her 91st Thanksgiving on the planet Earth...  I can only think of a couple of Thanksgivings that I wasn't able to spend with my mom.  I was just out of college and too poor to fly home.  I was too much of a spoiled brat to take the bus... Fortunately, some kind cousins took me in.

Today my mom ate like a lumberjack/farm hand.    Ham, Turkey, Green Beans and a gynormous piece of Chocolate Mousse Cheesecake and a normal person piece of Turtle Cheesecake. She insisted that she couldn't possibly eat all of this food....  Surprise!  She cleaned her plate!

 Don't let her tiny frame fool you...  She can put it away... You can't even begin to imagine...  May we all be blessed with COPD, and End Stage Heart Failure. 

 Her doctor tells me that her metabolism is like a humming bird...  She requires enormous quantities of calories.  She's like a patient in the ICU on the ventilator, only my mom can breath on her own.  She's conscious and she gets her hair colored and styled on a weekly basis...

She's Fabulous Indeed!  Bring on the french fries, bacon, ice cream, steak, ham, eggs, turkey, chocolate, potato chips, tortilla chips...  Makes me want to get really old and sick...  Hell, I eat like a refugee from Ethiopia...  I'd look like Mama Cass if I ate like my mother.   I live off of Egg Beaters and celery.... Sad indeed!

That being said, I do color my hair and get my toes done...

Happy Thanksgiving! 

The Joy Luck Guilt Club!

Death and Taxes are the two most talked about certainties in this world.  The dirty secret that comes in third is Guilt!    Nobody likes to talk about this one...

Eventually death comes and taxes are paid.   There is finality and closure.  Don't you hate that word, closure?  Such psychobabble, crap....  Funeral homes and casket maker people make money off of this @#$%.  Probate attorneys live for this stuff..

Wouldn't you prefer to have your dog at the helm when this day comes?  Dog is man's best friend..  My eldest male, Zorka, the Borzoi Wonderdog, has the remote control at the ready...  He's ready to defend me at all costs. Even with an injured cervical spine, Zorka has my back...  He's on it....  He's inside patroling the house, via the sofa, 24/7.    His brothers and sisters are jealous but it's understood that he is "on guard".  Zorka's a little zorked out on tramadol, but my on call soldier nonetheless.

 Guilt!  That's another matter entirely....  It's the gift that keeps on giving....  I'm surprised Hallmark doesn't have a separate aisle for Guilt cards.  Just think of the money they'd make...  We'd all shop for the perfect "guilt card".

 Hallmark should make special Guilt Calendars.  Just think of all those birthdays we've missed...

Go on... You'd buy it...  You know you would!

Guilt comes in many forms.  It can be inflicted by an elderly parent to an adult child, or from a younger parent for that matter....  I don't mean to subjugate Guilt Infliction strictly from a parent...  Guilt is the wild card, crazy eight!  It can be inflicted by the old, the young, friends, and extended family.

Guilt is a free for all...  Anyone can inflict it.  Some people become experts at inflicting it... The expert at inflicting guilt is likely a master manipulator.   These people are Uber Guilters...  They can make you feel guilty just with the glance of an eye or a tilt of the head!  They can make you feel guilty even when you have nothing to feel guilty about...   When you're doing the best you can, just how much guilt do you really need to take?

This is where dogs come in...  Dog spelled backwards is GOD...  They NEVER judge you...  They love you no matter what.  They will never blame you for anything...  They don't care that you didn't go to law school.  They don't have car wrecks..  They never have to go to the Betty Ford Clinic.  They don't require a $200,000 college education.  You will never have to pay for a crazy Bridezilla wedding that will end in an expensive divorce.  You'll pay for this too!  Dogs typically don't generate FALL CALLS.  Your dog will likely die before you so you won't have to be disappointed when they don't take care of you when you're old and sick with diapers.    It's all good..

Enjoy your "Gluten-free, Guilt-free" pleasure....  

Doggies

The Power of Family, Faith, and a Really Great Steak!

There's nothing quite like the forces of family, faith, and a really great steak to jolt my mother into the stratosphere!  Not quite Heaven, just a delicious taste!

Last evening we had dinner with our dear friends Abbot Lawrence Stasyszen and Br. Damian Whalen from St. Gregory's Abbey and University.  I have had the privilege to serve on their University board and volunteer for numerous fundraising events.  My husband and I have become great friends with them as has my mother.

Oh and by the way, my husband, Charlie was able to join us...  Normally he's the star of the show with my mother,  except when the Abbot and Br. Damian can join us.  Last night he was relegated to the role of a common guest.    Good thing he has a great sense of humor and fun!

My mother is a devout Catholic and she is truly in her glory amongst these dear friends.  She devoted much of her life working for the church; raising money, and practicing her faith.  She has also lived her faith in every way.  At 91, she continues to faithfully contribute to our local parish, Christ The King in Oklahoma City.

She loves to tell stories about her begging adventures for St. Agnes Cathedral in Springfield, Missouri.  As a three year old, I would accompany her, along with an old maid spinster named Alice Boon to
shake down local businesses and rich doctor's wives volunteering at the local Catholic hospital.  When Alice wasn't doing the shake down, she was usually babysitting me while my mom managed my dad's business...  I think Alice lived for the shake down!  

She and my mom were like Mike Wallace in the early days of 60 Minutes...  They perfected the surprise attack.  It proved effective! They raised a lot of money...

My mom's favorite story is about storming through the doors of the then, very small local business, O'Reilly Automotive. Yes, the same O'Reilly Automotive that you see on virtually every street corner.  This vast empire started in Sleepy, Springfield, Missouri!  My mother had spot on, pre-Google, instincts about how to follow the money.

My mom and the old spinster, Alice Boon, would confront cranky Old Man O'Reilly and ask for money for the church.  He would order my mom, the old lady, and the little kid (me) out...   Immediately, doors would open and his sons would emerge apologizing for their father and offering whatever Father Needed!  

Does this woman look like she's on death's door?  She very well could be this evening or in the morning, afternoon or the next day...  Her situation can change on a dime, but last night, Margaret had a ball!   Not a FALL!!!

We've packed a lot of good times in and when God decides to take her, I won't have any regrets.  But, make no mistake, I'll be a puddle on the floor and somebody will have to mop me up when she goes to Heaven.  But I can't waste precious time worrying about it.  None of us knows the day or the hour.

Carpe Diem with a Really Great Steak!   

The Importance of the "Re-Direct"

When your parent or loved one becomes fixated on an extremely negative aspect of their life that cannot be changed, or will not be forgotten once the situation is rectified, but the memory persists, the Re-Direct becomes extremely important and critical to your sanity...  This is longer than most of my posts.  Go and get a beer or a glass of wine if you think this might help you.

My mother had to share a bathroom with a fellow resident.  It was all understood from the beginning when she moved into this fabulous boutique facility.   The problem was that the first resident didn't go to the bathroom very often...  Then she died...  The room was vacant for a time...  About 8 months or so...  Enough time passed that my mom thought that the shared bathroom was her Private Bathroom...   

Major blow up occurred when the new resident showed up and used the "shared bathroom"...    Again, again and again......   According to my mother, she was spending way too much time in there and my mother started Guarding the Bathroom....  TMI...

For months, this was all I heard about, multiple times a day.....  In any case, months later after my mother's dear friend and housemate, not the bathroom hog, went to Heaven, my mother had an opportunity to move to her room in the same facility.  It had a PRIVATE BATHROOM....   It was the 17th time that I've moved my mother in six years.     I was not at all thrilled with this situation but I was so weary of hearing about the months of negative bathroom tales that I relented...

We got her moved and settled into a lovely new room with a PRIVATE BATHROOM just down the hall.  Think that's easy?  Just wait and see....  Had to move all the clothes, rehang the pictures and get the flat screen just right....  Had to get all the photos adjusted just right on her dresser.    

Think you're done?  No way...  She's got the perfect room.  The perfect view.  The private bathroom and plenty of closet space for her glamour girl wardrobe...   She now thinks the room is too small...  I think she wants to move again...  Whatever...

Back to the long awaited point of this post...  Find your Re-Direct phrases...  Check in with their Navy days or stories about their childhood and their siblings.  Ask about what their mother fixed for dinner and how wonderful it was..  This can help re-direct from their negative comments.  

 I had a recent experience that I was dreading...  I promised to take my mom out for brunch on a Sunday.  Most often, my husband can join us.  This particular day he was working and couldn't get away..    I prayed that I would have patience to listen to all the negative stuff and find a way to turn it around.  Once in the restaurant, as I feared, she started in about the lady hogging her bathroom and all the rest of the negative stuff...

There was a wonderful pianist playing...  I asked her if she had a favorite song...  At first she spouted out, "NO"....  A few minutes later, she said "You Are My Sunshine" is my favorite... " I raced up to the pianist with a generous tip and asked him to play it...

Simply Miraculous!!!  She took my hand and we both started singing it together...  This seemingly small gesture transformed our day and her experience.  It is a happy memory that I will cherish forever!

Go find your Re-Direct.

The Holiday Snowjob

Welcome to the much anticipated Holiday Season!  It's supposed to be so festive, joyful, bright and sunshiny.  Everybody's healthy, alive, and gets along great!  What a crock... Bah Humbug...

The joy and splendor of the holidays really belongs to WalMart, Target, and Best Buy. $$$ 

The rest of us are led to believe that everyone, but us, is having fun during this glorious time....  Yeah right... Don't buy into it...

When you have a loved one or parent who is experiencing the "end of life", it can be anything but that...  You might be spending Thanksgiving in the ER, ICU or Hospice.  Forget the turkey and dressing.  It's all you can do take a shower, get dressed and get your ass over to the hospital.   Just remember that the people working there are missing out too, just in a less profound and painful way.

I didn't decorate my house for the holidays for five years after my dad died..  Then finally one day, during our neighborhood association meeting, I volunteered to host a portion of the neighborhood holiday progressive dinner...  Well that was the kick in the ass that I needed.  We bought a new tree.  I pulled out all the decorations and we started celebrating the holidays again.  I guess it takes what it takes.

No we don't have a "Kodak" family...  It's never going to be that fabulous Burl Ives sings "Rudolph".    But it is a special time of year and hopefully some, if not most of us, have some happy memories to reclaim and most of all, something or someone to be Thankful For

Cherish your memories, Embrace what you still have and Celebrate the good!

Stay the Hell out of WalMart, Target and Best Buy.  And stop with the Christmas Music Already.... Obnoxious indeed!

Go Baste your Butterball and Get On With It!

They Get Nicer When You're on a Trip...

It's been my experience that my mother becomes way nicer when I'm out of town.  When I'm in town, she complains a lot more and she is way more difficult and negative, because she can be..   When I'm out of town, she gets really nice and full of charm and vigor....  There are far fewer complaints.

She has a huge fear of my plane crashing...  Like Patsy Cline.. This fear seems to make her really nice.   Just so you know, we never go more than one connecting flight away.  We always buy the Travel Guard Insurance in case we have to come back in an urgent manner.   We very seldom leave the country, except for Canada and Mexico.  Just in case we really die in a plane crash, she'll be Really Really Rich...

We returned home tonight from a trip to California.  I spoke with my mother before our departure in CA this morning, and again in Denver on the transfer, and when the wheels touched down in OKC, and then again for about an hour once we got home.  Thanks goodness for cheap cell phone time.

We had a really nice visit when I called her once I got home.  It lasted about an hour.  She talked about her family, brothers, sisters, father and mother.  She doesn't recall most of my life, but thank goodness, she can revisit her own childhood, stories etc.   91 is a tough deal...  I know she'd rather not be here...  She's going straight shot to Heaven when her time comes..  I hope I don't live that long....but there's no telling what God has planned!

Good Evening Friends.

It's All About the Hair!

HAIR is way more than a Broadway Musical or the "Age of Aquarius"!

In a woman's life, HAIR can defy old age, sickness, bad marriages, unhappiness, and unsuccessful children...  Hair is the great equalizer.  It's the ultimate leverage for a woman.  In the modern age in which we live, Hair can be colored, styled, straightened, permed, cut, grown out and made into beautiful wigs for those who have none...

I consider my mother a pioneer in the world of modern hair.  In 91 years, never ONCE has she let her hair go gray....  It all fell out during chemo in 1990, so that doesn't count..   Even in the hospital, if it was turning a little gray, she wore her stylish nighttime bonnet until the beauty shop lady could get there...  This is serious devotion to the power of HAIR! 

My mother realized this truth long before Nora Ephron.

“There's a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don't look the way they used to, and it's not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It's because of hair dye. In the 1950's only 7 percent of American women dyed their hair; today there are parts of Manhattan and Los Angeles where there are no gray-haired women at all.” 

― Nora Ephron

And if Nora were still alive she'd love my mother.    She would especially love and appreciate my mother's steadfast commitment to her hair, through sickness and in health, in poverty and prosperity, in war and peace, till death do they part!   I'm telling you if my mother gets to Heaven without her hair, she WILL SUE GOD!  She's already committed to doing so if he sends her to Hell, "wrongful damnation."   She's probably got the papers filled out and filed away somewhere.  

Notice the height of her do.  A woman of her stature and accomplishment must have a little height on the top.  The flat head look is not at all her style...  

I know I disappointed my mother because I didn't go to law school.  I'm so over that.  If I were some big shot attorney, who would take care of my mother and oversee her "hair care"?  However, when she gets after me about my hair, my cortisol levels go through the roof...  Lately, I've been off the hook.  She's been liking my hair...  I'm enjoying it while it lasts...  Carpe Diem!

Wheelchair Tips and Etiquette

         Here's my mother in her twenties...  Isn't she fabulous?  

                                   Enjoy the good times!


Things change a lot when your parent or loved one can no longer walk independently.  At first, they might be dealing with a cane.  No big deal.  Slowly or suddenly, they move into the world of walkers. Walkers are not all created equal...  Some are really dangerous...  Ask your parent's physical therapist or physician about the best choice for your loved one..

Unfortunately, the next step is the Wheelchair.  

If you're loved one is on Medicare or qualifies for Hospice, he or she probably qualifies for a free wheelchair.  He or she will get a top rate wheelchair.  The doctor will need to write the order.

Beyond this point, you're on your own....  If you have a bad back, you'd better invest in a "transport chair".  This is especially true if you plan to take your parent or loved one out to a restaurant or shopping.  The transport chair weighs 16-18 lbs.  A standard wheelchair weighs about 40 lbs... This is the difference between back surgery and a NORMAL LIFE!

You'll need a vehicle that can accommodate the wheelchair.  It's also a really good idea to find a car that your parent or loved one can transfer into easily.  PIck-Up Trucks or Full Size SUV's are mountain climbing  FALL CALLs waiting to happen...  Find a car that's about the same height as the wheelchair seat.

The term Transfer will become very important in your life.  It's an integral part of the ASS-isted Living Lexicon.  Your parent must be able to transfer their ass to the bed, toilet, chair, etc. in order to qualify for Ass-isted Living...    Sorry for the transgression.  This is another post,,,' Another time..

Back to wheelchairs...  Good luck to you if you have many doctors appointments for your parent.  I take my mom to the dentist four times a year and to the eye doctor at least twice a year.   Neither office has automatic doors.  I have to get my mom out of the car, into the transport chair, and to the door.  Then I have to open the door with my right arm and try to wheel her in with my left arm...  Meanwhile, I can see people in the waiting room just staring at us and not bothering to open the door or help...  Really?  Don't get me started...

Please...  If you see somebody struggling to push an occupied wheelchair into a doctor's office, restaurant, bar, brothel or wherever, get off your fat ass and help...  Do a good deed and open the door!

Why is it that grocery stores that are full of processed, carbo coma, fried foods that are so bad for us,  have automatic doors and doctor's offices do not?   Hmmmmm...


Bon Nuit!

The "Therapeutic Fib"

A very dear friend of mine who lives and deals with an aging population, 80's, 90's +, on a daily basis, told me that the occasional, harmless lie is not necessarily a bad thing.

He prefers to refer to this type of digression as a "Therapeutic Fib".  This idea did not originate with my friend, but from a very qualified, professional, expert.  Never mind...  My friend helped me get over the idea of fibbing..

 I think the interpretation of this aberation is a God thing.  The "Fibber" must examine their conscience and know that the "Fib"  is the best thing for their loved one.  This is not a license to steal from your parent or deprive them of the the best care....  See my post, "Money Matters"...

In my heart and mind, it means inoculating your parent or loved one from information that would hurt, harm, upset, or offend them unduly...  When the hurtful, harmful, offensive or upsetting truth serves no purpose, don't share it with them.  Keep your mouth shut!

I have employed this concept on two important occasions with my mother.

When she needed private duty care, I knew the cost involved would horrify her.  She had the money.  I acted in her best interest and told her the GOVERNMENT WAS PAYING FOR IT!   I did this on two occasions.   Unfortunately, she never slept while the private duty people were there.  She wanted to make sure they stayed awake and that the government got their money's worth...

When she had to have a very bizarre tumor extracted from her mouth, I told her the "insurance" paid the Oral Surgeon...  This was not the case, but she still brags about what great insurance she has...  She's gotten a lot of bragging mileage out of this one!

I'm currently engaged in a huge  "TF" (Therapeutic Fib), with my mother...  My sister fractured her leg over the weekend.    I learned of this earlier today during a different kind of FALL CALL!    My sister had surgery this afternoon and I'm waiting to hear about the outcome from her husband.   She lives 600 miles away. I see absolutely no reason to alarm my mother with this information when she could do absolutely nothing about it but get upset, worry and fret.  This news could throw her into a crisis with her blood pressure or congestive heart failure.

I guess you could say I've become a little too desensitized about not telling the truth...  I just got off the phone with my 91 year old hospice poster child mother.   I gave the greatest academy award winning performance of my life...  I never mentioned my sister's fracture...

I hope your evening is FALL CALL FREE!

The Freedom That Comes With Being Old!

There's lots of bad stuff associated with being old like fall calls,  cancer, surgeries, hospitals, nursing homes, ASS-isted Living centers, pneumonia,  Skilled Nursing Centers (A.K.A. Sniffs), ERs, etc...

The Good News for these old, sick, folks, especially my mother, is that you no longer have to "agree, be nice, or go along with the program."  You can remove the "filter on your mouth" and say whatever you damn well please!

As far as I can tell, my mother doesn't give a @#$% what anyone else thinks...  Such freedom!   Can you imagine?

I don't think that's such a bad thing, except when she criticizes my hair.   Otherwise, I'm all for it..

Just look at her precious face.  Do you think she gives a @#$% what you think?

She's so over dealing with that stuff...  She's been transformed!  How about that glow in the dark ring she's wearing...

Don't waste time worrying about what people think about you....  Maybe we can learn from my mother..  Quit wasting time worrying about this @#$%...

She's gotten pretty nice lately.  She's quit criticizing my hair.  This worries me...  She's getting nice enough to go to Heaven sometime soon...  I'm still not ready to lose her...  What can I do to piss her off and keep her here a little longer?  Maybe a Tatoo?  Ideas anyone?

She ate how much?

Who knew this little person who's been on hospice in end stage heart failure for 18 months could eat so much?

Some very dear friends took her, my husband and me out for dinner tonight as part of her continuing 91st birthday celebration  She wolfed down a nice salad, petite filet, roasted potatoes and grilled vegetables..  Then she wanted gelato....  Oh, she also had rolls and butter...

No big deal.  Just so glad she still enjoys eating and has an appetite.

The best thing about hospice is the absence of Food Police...  These folks eat whatever they damn well please...  My mother's heart and lungs are so deficient that she can burn 6,000 calories a day just trying to stay alive.

None of this is particularly remarkable except that when I took her home to the Heaven House the caregiver asked if she was able to eat anything...  Say what??  My mother forgot that we were taking her out and she ate dinner before we picked her up....  She had her usual veggie platter and ice cream an hour before we took her to the restaurant.

Maybe she could have a second career as a competitive eater....  There's serious money involved in competitive eating...  This could help finance her end of life care.  Are there any agents out there interested in representing her?  She'd be especially competitive in the ice cream category.  Vanilla Please!  She's cute and photogenic too...

Sunday Afternoon House Call at the Heaven House

            A picture, even a bad one, is worth a thousand words...

              Sunday afternoon house call at the Heaven House

                             What Healthcare Should Be.....



P.S. If this is what you want for your parent or loved one, check out my "Finding the Right Doctor" post and bring your checkbook?  Sorry, gotta spend till the end... It's totally worth it...  You can't take it with you...

Fall Call Part II

Thanks for coming back for part two...

Take your shower before bed...  I've made this a habit.   Have your clothes out for the morning.  This makes life so much easier when you get the FALL CALL at 2 am... Trust me.  If you don't do this you're going to start smelling yourself when you spend 10+ hours in the ER.  Nasty indeed!

Also, keep a full tank of gas in your car.

Always keep lots of change in your wallet.  It's likely you're going to have to rely on a vending machine to keep yourself upright.  You never want to venture far from the ER treatment room just in case the doc comes in to give you the news; good, bad, or ugly...  This can take hours, especially if your loved one happens to fall on a Friday or Saturday night when the knife and gun club gather.  It's really busy then...

I can't say it enough, but keep your Smart Ass Phone fully charged.  Sometimes you can't use it for phone calls in the ER, but you can still access your parent or loved one's photos of medication lists, prior surgeries, allergies, physician contact information.

When your parent or loved gets transferred to an inpatient room, centuries later,  be sure to show the admitting nurse the photo of the med list, surgery list, allergy list, ad nauseum from your SMART ASS PHONE. You'd be shocked at how much of this information gets lost in the transfer from the ER to the patient floor...

Sorry.  This is just the way it is...  Are you ready to sign up for a Sunset Cruise?  Check out my End of Life Fantasy Post!

Are You Ready for the FALL CALL? Take Your FALL CALL precautions!

Sooner or later, if your parent or loved one lives long enough, you're going to get the FALL CALL.
Trust me...  These calls never come during business hours, M-F.  I've had enough to last me a lifetime and not a one has come at a convenient time, not that anytime is a good time for your parent or loved one to FALL.  

In my world, I've learned that FALL CALL precautions are just as important as Gary England's TORNADO precautions are when you live in Oklahoma.  For those of you reading this who live in calm wind, gentle rain communities, Gary England is the "Elvis of Meteorology" in Oklahoma... He's saved lives, soothed "latch-key children", and kept the rest of us nervous wrecks.  We hide in closets, ditches, and under mattresses in bathtubs.  You do whatever it takes when the 2 mile wide EF5 is barreling down your street.  We hug the toilet if we have to...

Back to the FALL CALL precautions.  Here's some basic advice.

1. Make a list of all of your loved ones medications, dosages, etc. (Update it often!) 
2. Make a list of all of their prior surgeries and dates 
3. Make a list of all of their medication allergies  
4. Make copies of their Medicare and Insurance cards
5. Make a list of their primary care physicians complete with contact information
6. Photograph every list on your Smart Phone!
7. Keep your phone fully charged! 

Surely you have a Smart Phone...  Good God I hate that term...   Humans are supposed to be smart, not phones...   Even I have one and know how to use the camera and I'm the uber technophobe.. Should you forget to bring the lists with you to the hospital, you will have them on your phone for the obnoxious ER person who demands this information at 3 am before your loved one can receive treatment.

If your parent or loved one lives with you and you hear them say, "I've Fallen And Can't Get Up". Don't risk bodily harm and try to lift them up yourself.  Call the fire department.  They are wonderful and will come to your aid.  Some times this is all it takes.  If this is all it takes for you and your loved one, go buy a lottery ticket!  It's your lucky day!

If this is not the case and your loved one has obviously fractured something, 911 is your best friend. It's likely that your Fireman Friend has already called them and the ambulance is on its way or already there..  Too bad our dead ass government doesn't work as efficiently and effectively as our Firemen do.  You can and should request a preferred hospital if you have the opportunity.  Hopefully you'll be able to direct them to your hospital of choice.  If not, you'll have to take what you get and make the best of it..  After all, you'll have your SMART ASS PHONE with photos of all of your loved one's critical information.    Sorry about the ASS reference..  I get a little worked up when I relive these things.  Please forgive me.

This post has a FALL CALL part two...  Sorry, but there's more you need to know and I know you're sick of this already...  This information is not sexy or fun...

I've been told to break this kind of thing up into two posts...  Go to the bathroom. Get a snack.  Come back for part two of FALL CALL.   Don't worry.  It's short.

More Hospital Help is Needed. Get Out Your Checkbook..

If your parent or loved is hospitalized and not able to walk or ambulate safely, you may want to consider staying with them during the overnight, or hiring private duty care for them during the overnight, 11pm to 7am.  In my most recent experience with my mother in the hospital, February of 2013, this shift is very understaffed.   It is sad indeed, but it is the reality of today's healthcare.

My mother was admitted with bronchitis, a-fib and a very poor oxygen saturation rate.  She was also suffering from congestive heart failure.  She was hooked up to IVs, a catheter, and oxygen.  She's no longer able to walk or move about with a walker.  She is in a wheelchair,  Ironsides all the time.   Good thing she looks nothing like Raymond Burr!  (A.K.A. Perry Mason).

If you are unable to stay during the overnight with your parent or loved one,  start researching the best options for private duty care for the overnight shift.  My greatest fear was that my mother would need to use the restroom.  She'd keep pressing the button for help but no one would come quickly enough.  She would try to get there on her own....  This is a huge hip fracture train wreck waiting to happen!

Thanks to the owner of her boutique assisted living facility, we were able to hire overnight help for a fraction of the going commercial rate, yet another advantage of the "boutique assisted living model of care".  We would have paid double to hire an agency.   I told my mother that the government was paying for this...  A friend of mine calls this a "therapeutic fib"...  I'm sticking to the story.  I'm guilt-free at this time..

I had peace of mind that someone was always with her during the overnight.  This person could chase down the one person on the floor who was authorized to assist her to the bathroom.  Please note that whoever you hire cannot physically help your loved one to the bathroom.   This is against hospital policy.   Liability issues.  Make sure whoever you hire has a loud voice and can move quickly!  Make sure the person you hire has passed the President's Physical Fitness Test... 

So you think I might have covered all the bases....  Think again... A day or two into this arrangement, I'm told that my mother is not sleeping during the overnight...  What's that about?  I ask her about it.  Is she in pain? Is she worried about something?  What's the deal?

Guess What?   She's staying awake all night to make sure the "government hired caregiver" stayed awake..  Heaven forbid she falls asleep and the caregiver sneaks out to the bar or takes a nap.  My mother wanted to make sure the government got their money's worth...

My mother is a brilliant, courageous woman who served her country for 18 months during WWII in the Navy Nurse Corps. She took care of many paraplegic Marines returning from the war while stationed at St. Alban's Hospital on Long Island, NY.

She volunteered when Eleanor Roosevelt threatened to draft nurses and my mother's wonderful father said the Navy was the best place and she'd better sign up.  Prior to this, She earned her R.N. from the 

Sisters of Mercy at Mercy Hospital in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, and after the war she earned her Bachelor of Science of Nursing Degree from the University of Pittsburgh..   Few women earned a BSN in the 40's.  She's amazing indeed! And, she's my mom!